One of the questions I get asked the most these days is not to do with sleep. It’s about how life is with three kids and specifically the transition from going from 2 to 3 kids so I figured I would do a blog post about it. So I'm going to jump right in:
It is intense
Because I was the one up all night with baby, my husband was solo parenting most mornings until about 7:30 a.m. At this time, I would wake up and go downstairs to spend time with my other kids before they headed off for camp and daycare. This was definitely not easy for me to do because I was so tired. But at the time, I did have some mom guilt worrying that they would think that I wasn’t there for them. Looking back, I know it would have been totally okay if I kept sleeping in the mornings and wish I wasn’t so hard on myself about it!
The challenges are different than when you're a first-time mom
Having my third baby felt completely different than when I had my first. The learning curve with the newborn was much easier. I knew this would be my last baby so I was in heaven with my sweet baby girl. She was eating and feeding well and was allowing me to rest during the day so I couldn’t ask for more from her. However, when you have three kids, you're outnumbered so that means all hands on deck!
Lack of sleep really impacted how we showed up as parents
Although my husband wasn’t waking up to feed the baby, his sleep was still impacted by the frequent night wakes, and he was exhausted trying to work full-time and take care of the kids. Sleep deprivation is very real so after about two weeks my husband and I had a talk where we decided we needed more help so that we could show up as the parents we wanted to (as much as that is possible when you’re 2 weeks postpartum!). We found a few babysitters and recruited the help of grandparents when possible so we could have some time together and with friends with our newborn in tow. He also started sleeping in a different room for a couple of weeks so that he could feel more rested and try to be there for the "big kids" in the way that he wanted to.
Set yourself up for success
Before I had my baby, I tried to set myself up for success by thinking about what mattered to me and how I could try to prepare to make them happen.
They were:
Wanting my kids to love the new baby (I know this was mostly out of my control but still!) I had prepared my soon-to-be 4-year-old about her baby sister’s arrival and she was very excited. I had tried to do the same with almost 2-year-old, but he seemed less interested. In the end, my middle child actually adjusted surprisingly well to becoming a big brother. He tends to follow the lead of his older sister who was so happy to have this new baby in the house! They both love her so much and continue to get so excited to see her in the mornings, wanting to give her hugs and trying to make her laugh.
Eating healthy and wholesome homemade meals I love cooking and wanted to make sure we were still eating mostly homemade food. I hired Kristin from Kristin McCaig Nutrition to prepare fresh meals that were delivered straight into my fridge when I was about 1 week postpartum. This was so helpful because it took away the mental load of grocery shopping, meal prepping and not worrying about eating take-out every night. I had also stocked my freezer with tons of chicken that I had marinated so it was easy enough for my husband to defrost and throw on the barbecue. For the kids, I had prepared frozen muffins, oatmeal bakes and waffles in the freezer.
Balancing rest and recovery while spending time with my family It was summertime so I made sure to keep my eldest busy with day camps and my son kept his routine of going to daycare which helped me rest during the day. After school/camp, we would take the kids out for little adventures or just stay close to home. On hot days we take the kids swimming at my in-laws. It was a really lovely summer but it was also hard to learn to coordinate logistics with three kids and we are still learning on this end.
There is no shame in asking for help Overall, it was definitely a tough transition but at the same time I think it's helped us realize how capable we are as parents. Having said that, we continue to get help when we can. Eating occasional take-out is okay. And keeping things simple and not doing big outings or traveling with your young kids is perfectly fine too. Even if you're fully capable of cooking every meal and doing every little thing for your family, or if you're somewhat but barely functioning on no sleep day in and day out, everything comes at an opportunity cost. And when this translates to the the way you're showing up as a parent/partner, it may be worth it to take a look at what you can outsource.
If your lack of sleep is affecting your abilities to be present in life in the way that you want to, get in touch with us. We're here to help!